


Sign of the Times

by the_huffster



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, Puberty, Teenage!Giles, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, comic!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-28 14:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12608320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_huffster/pseuds/the_huffster
Summary: Giles thought puberty was bad the first time around, but he's quickly learning that it's a whole lot worse the second round.





	1. Ages 14-16

_When you were young_

Giles looked at himself in his bathroom mirror, completely mortified by what had just happened; although he wasn’t sure if he was more embarrassed by the fact that he couldn’t control himself or by the fact that Buffy had walked in on him masturbating. No, that was a lie. He was more embarrassed by the fact that Buffy had walked in.

Of course, it just seemed to be one embarrassing situation after another since Angel had brought him back two years ago. And the root of every situation was the fact that, while mentally he was a grown man, physically he was a teenager going through puberty. He hated it the first time around, and this second round was really no different; the exception being that he didn’t have to endure the teasing comments from his friends who were clearly enjoying being older than him now.

He looked at his reflection and took a deep breath, preparing himself for going to face his Slayer. Not that she was still in his apartment; as soon as he yelled for her to get out and she realized what exactly he had been doing, she quickly backed out of the apartment and slammed the door shut. That was the downside to sharing the building with the whole Scooby gang; even though he had his own apartment he was never really alone.

A knock on his bathroom door pulled him out of his thoughts. Giles slowly opened the door, giving a sheepish smile to an embarrassed looking Slayer.

“I, um…I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” she asked tentatively, her gaze glued to the ceiling.

“No. I was just…just collecting my thoughts.” He said lamely.

“Is that a euphemism?”

His eyes went wide as he stared at her, his blush returning with a vengeance. “N…no. I was just trying to…to figure out how to apologize.”

“Why do you need to apologize? You’re not the one whose privacy was invaded.” Buffy pointed out as they made their way to his kitchen. “I’m the one who needs to apologize. Which is why I’m over here- to say sorry for just walking in without knocking.”

She went to perch up on the counter while Giles sat at the chair by the breakfast bar. An uncomfortable silence fell over them as he looked at the top of the breakfast bar, his fingers drumming softly on it. Two years later, and he still had no idea how to act after he embarrassed himself due to his hormones.

“I am sorry you had to see that, Buffy. I, uh…I don’t really know…” her chuckle cut him off and drew his gaze to her.

“You’re fourteen, Giles. And going through puberty. Pretty sure it’s natural for you to come across a porno on TV and need to jerk off.”

“I used to have better control of myself.” He pouted.

“You also used to be a grown man who didn’t have his hormones going all over the place.” She pointed out. “But maybe you should reconsider locking your door, just in case that happens again.”

“I know what channel it’s on now, I can avoid it.”

He hadn’t meant for his tone to sound defensive, but that’s exactly the way it came out. And the slight break in his voice downplayed the look of determination on his face, which caused both Slayer and ex-Watcher to laugh. It took a few moments before the laughter died down and they just smiled at each other.

“You came over for a reason, is something going on?” Giles asked after a minute, wanting to shift focus away from the current topic.

“Just wanted to see if you wanted to come over for lunch.” Buffy hopped off the counter and smiled as she watched him get down from the chair.

“Promise not to tell the others what you walked in on?” even though he knew the answer, he was still hopeful.

“Come on, horn dog.” Was the only answer he received.

Giles huffed in annoyance and glared at Buffy as she ruffled his hair before leading him out of his apartment.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Collide_

“I know you don’t want to be a hundred percent Watcher guy, but that still doesn’t mean we’re not going to keep your fighting skills sharp.” Buffy said as they walked into one of the apartments they had made into a small training room. “San Francisco isn’t a Hellmouth but it’s still dangerous.”

“You say this as if I haven’t lived here for three years.” Giles pointed out as he leaned against the wall, watching her roll out the mats. “You don’t have to say this every time we train, Buffy.”

“I warned you that I was going enjoy being the older one now.” She laughed softly. “So let me enjoy being the teacher, mister grumpy pants.”

“I’m not grumpy.” He protested as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants.

“Then why are you getting moody over training? You like training.”

“I just want to do it later.” Giles knew damn well he was being difficult, but he wasn’t about to tell her that he had been kept up all night by her and the guy she was casually seeing.

She gave a playful roll of her eyes as she looked at him. He made no move from where he was, his posture and expression daring Buffy to try and make him train. They stared at each other for what seemed like several minutes as they waited to see who would break first; and like always, it was him. He sighed and made his way over to the mats.

“You know you’re never going to win, Giles.” Buffy smiled as they began stretching, chuckling when he just rolled his eyes.

It wasn’t long before they were circling each other as they waited for the other to make the first move. He could feel his impatience growing but he had years of training in hand to hand combat; not even death and resurrection could take that discipline away from him. He smirked just as Buffy made the first move, which he easily sidestepped.

For nearly forty-five minutes the two sparred, trying to catch the other off-guard. And as impatient as Buffy was, Giles was just as cocky the longer they sparred. And like every time they sparred, his cockiness caused him to be taken down by the Slayer.

“Ha. I win.” She smiled as she looked down at him.

Her smile dropped at the smirk on his face and her eyes went wide as he flipped them over. His smirk turned into a grin of triumph when it became clear that he had the upper hand.

“Seems I won after all.”

They shared a brief laugh before Buffy looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Since when did you start carrying stakes in your sweats?”

Giles quickly jumped to his feet and turned so his back was facing her, his hands shoved in his pockets as he blushed profusely. He stammered out an apology as he mentally berated himself for the lack of control he had over his body. He heard Buffy get to her feet behind him and prepared himself for the teasing to continue. His eyes closed as Buffy placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Giles, it’s okay. It happens.” She assured him.

“It shouldn’t.” he grumbled. “We’re friends and I should control myself better, and you shouldn’t have to worry about…this.”

“Am I really going to have to remind you that I get that you don’t have the best self-control because of puberty and hormones?” she asked with an amused tone. “Because if I am, let’s just record it and you can play it every time you need to.”

“Just because you understand doesn’t mean you’re not feeling…grossed out or objectified.” He could practically feel her roll her eyes before she walked around to face him.

“Stop it, Giles. You’re fifteen, it’s not like you’re doing things on purpose. And even though you’re going through the change again and you’re different than before you died, you’re still Giles. You’re still a good guy and still my best friend.” Buffy said as she looked at him.

He looked at her for a moment before smiling when he realized she didn’t want to hit him.

“Why don’t we go over techniques?” he asked as he took a step back, watching as she nodded and went to grab two water bottles. “And work on your patience as well, something I can’t believe we still have to do considering how long you’ve been the Slayer now.”

“What can I say? I’m stubborn.” 

He shook his head as she laughed softly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Human_

He blew out a puff of smoke, a cigarette hanging between his fingers. It was nearly two in the morning and Giles found himself up on the roof of the building, looking out at the flashing Coke-a-Cola sign that marked the edge of the Tenderloin. Like many nights over the last year, Giles found himself being kept up by Buffy. But unlike many of those nights, this was the first time that his body had reacted to the sounds she was making. It was also the first time he had fantasized about her.

For three hours he had tried to block out the noise coming from across the hall and to keep his mind off of the Slayer, but it had done no good; if anything it had gotten worse and he had gone to take a cold shower, but even that didn’t work. So he had relieved himself, feeling ashamed that his mind produced images of Buffy.

Now he was on top of the room with a cigarette nearly an hour later, and his mind was still running through fantasies of the Slayer. With each fantasy, Giles hated himself even more. He may not be her Watcher anymore, but he was still her friend and thinking about her like that was a violation of her trust. Just because he was fifteen didn’t mean he could do that. And if he was being honest with himself, he was getting tired of everyone using that as a way to excuse his actions.

He flicked some of the ash off of the cigarette and sighed softly. The ex-Watcher could just hear Buffy telling him that she wasn’t offended or horrified, that he was still going through puberty. But the more situations that called for that conversation, the more he was starting to wonder if puberty and hormones were entirely to blame.

Hopefully that was just the case, because the alternate was something Giles wasn’t sure he could handle at the current moment, if ever. He sighed and tossed the cigarette to the sidewalk below. As much as he wanted to stay on the roof, he was starting to get cold even with his jacket on. He just prayed Buffy was finally done so he could try to get some sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Disenchanted_

“Where did you get cigarettes?”

Giles closed his eyes when he heard Xander behind him. All he wanted was some quiet before he went to bed, and since Buffy and Spike had made that impossible he had gone up to the rooftop.

“Spike has so many packs lying around, it isn’t hard to swipe a few.” He mumbled around the cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. “What are you doing up here?”

“Probably the same thing as you.” Xander pointed out as he leaned against the railing, looking at the lit up Coke sign.

“You’re sneaking up to the roof to smoke?” he asked before taking a drag.

Giles kept his eyes focused on the city in front of him, hoping if he ignored his friend long enough that Xander would stop staring at him.

“Is it the fact that Buffy’s having sex, or is it who she’s having sex with?” Xander finally asked.

“Why would I care if she’s sleeping with Spike again?” he muttered, flicking off some of the ash.

“Because I know you, Giles. I mean none of us are exactly happy that they’re sleeping with each other again.”

Giles just sighed and threw the cigarette off of the roof. He had gone up there to get away from the sounds coming from Spike’s apartment, not to get into a conversation about what was happening in said apartment.

“But you seemed overly upset.” Xander continued, glancing over at the sixteen year old. “Anything you wanna share with the class?”

“I just don’t understand why she would go back to him. It’s not exactly like she’s been struggling with seeing other men, but she went back to him. And then they think we’re stupid, like we don’t know they’re having sex.” The voice in the back of his mind was telling him to stop talking, but Giles couldn’t stop himself. “They need to either just start dating again or just admit they’re friends with benefits, but whatever it is I still don’t understand why Buffy would go back to him.”

“They were in love, Giles. When you break up with someone you love, it’s hard to let that go. Especially when you live in the same building as them.”

Giles sighed and turned to look at Xander. He knew he should just end the conversation there and go back to his apartment, maybe listen to music or something. But he needed to get out of the current conversation before he let something slip.

“But their break up was completely different from yours. Dawn’s emotions were set back and she had to deal with everything before she could fall in love with you again, you didn’t hurt her or break her heart. But that’s exactly what Spike did.” Giles inwardly kicked himself for continuing. “Buffy could have a normal relationship, Xander. The world knows about slayers and what our life consists of, and she can be with someone her age. Someone alive. But she chose Spike, and it’s like he didn’t care about what she gave up. When you proposed to Dawn, Buffy talked to Spike about getting married and he shot that idea down.”

“And then she talked to him about adopting a kid and he wouldn’t even talk about it. We all know why they broke up, Giles. It’s really not worth getting so upset about.”

“It’s not just that, Xander. It’s the fact that being with him means Buffy is giving up dates that don’t involve slaying, being out during the day, not having to worry about the sun coming through the windows, going on picnics…doing things couples do during the day. He doesn’t care that she’s willing to let all of that go to be with him. She should be with someone who can give that and more to her.”

Xander stared at him as silence fell over them, and Giles knew he had given himself away. He looked down in some feeble attempt to keep Xander from seeing what his agitation for what it really was.

“Is it just someone, or do you really mean you?” even without looking up, Giles would hear smirk on his friend’s face.

“Good night, Xander.” Was all he said as he turned and made his way towards the door, knowing there was no point in denying it.

He paused when he heard Xander call his name, his fingers gripping the doorknob. He kept his back to the other man and braced himself for any teasing thrown his way.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you.” Giles said before leaving the rooftop.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_The Mess I Made_

He looked around the boxed up apartment, a backpack slung over his shoulder and a duffle bag at his feet. It had been months since his conversation with Xander, and in that time he realized that he needed to leave San Francisco; and not just because he was afraid that Buffy would catch on to the fact that he had feelings for her (although he still wasn’t sure if it was just puberty or not).

Ever since he had arrived in the city, he had been trying to fight the fact that he was different than before his death; that his role in the group had drastically changed. And with his feelings for the slayer having been noticed by Xander, Giles knew this was the perfect time to leave and rediscover himself.

Giles had put off telling Buffy about his plans to leave considering their history, and as expected she had been upset; although, now that he thought about it, she had seemed overly upset. And days later he still couldn’t figure out why she had been furious with him, so much so that she had been avoiding him. Although it didn’t help when their conversation had escalated to the point where they started saying things to hurt the other, and while he knew it was his idiotic teenage mood swings that caused him to lose control of his anger that didn’t mean he could take back the things he had said.

At his going away dinner the previous night, the sixteen year old had hoped that Buffy would be there so they could have a moment to talk everything out but she never showed up. And that had hurt more than he would ever admit because he knew just how long Buffy could go without speaking to him. After all, they hadn’t been talking the whole year before he had died.

The sound of Xander’s voice on the other side of the door told the small part of Giles that Buffy wasn’t going to say goodbye at the last minute. He let out a sigh and tried to push back his hurt as he made his way to the door, hoping that maybe putting distance between him and Buffy would allow them to salvage their friendship.


	2. Ages 16-21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles is quickly finding that growing up is still just as complicated, especially when it concerns the matters of the heart.

_Nothing_

It had been a little over three weeks since Giles had left San Francisco, and while he could have gone anywhere he wanted the first place he went was Seattle for two reasons- being sixteen again meant he could focus more on further developing his musical abilities, and because Willow knew a coven in the city that would help him hone his magical abilities. He may have been trying to figure out who he was outside of slaying and saving the world, but he didn’t want to get too rusty just in case.

The coven he was staying with seemed to understand why he was there better than he really did, which he was still trying to figure out how that worked. For a few hours every day, he sat with one of the members as they helped him with his magic and while he had a long time before he would know the extent of his power, it was clear that he was more powerful than before he died. Of course, he had gotten that idea after he had come back but he always thought it was because of the new magicks and the new rules. But he had learned after the first week that he had always that power, that it was only now being made known because he was able to hone his abilities this time around.

When he wasn’t working on his magic he was working out and training, exploring downtown Seattle, or playing on the guitar he had bought within his first three days in the city. He had surrounded himself with others from the local music scene where he had jam sessions, went to gigs, and just goofed off downtown. There had been the initial shock and awe once people learned who he was, but once it wore off no one ever treated him like a watcher or someone who dealt with vampires and apocalypses on a near daily basis. And it felt nice, in fact he almost felt like a normal sixteen year old.

That’s how he found himself stumbling into the house he was staying at completely drunk at four in the morning. He didn’t plan on drinking as much as he did, but what had started out as a jam session had quickly turned into a house party. It had taken a little bit, but Giles had decided to embrace the fact that he was a teenager now and underage drinking at a party with friends was normal; and he just wanted to be normal right now.

Of course, being this drunk had one downside- he somehow got it in his mind that calling Buffy was a good idea. As soon as he had collapsed on to the guest bed, he fumbled for his phone and selected the Slayer’s name in his contacts. Even in his drunken state, he wasn’t surprised his call had gone to voicemail. It was four in the morning after all.

“I know you’re probably fuckin’ Spike right now, but I just wanted ta say that you’re being ridic…ridicu…stupid.” He watched his room spin around him as he left his message. “You can’t keep gettin’ mad at me fer doing what’s best fer me. You didn’t say bye when I left, and you keep ignorin’ me when I call. I just hope I don’t die before you start talkin’ ta me again.”

If Giles had made this call at any other time when he was completely sober, he would have heard how petty and childish he sounded. A very small part of him did realize how he sounded, but he had drunk enough to not listen to that part.

“The longer you act like I don’t exist, the more I’m gonna think you don’t want me ta come back. If that’s the case, then just tell me now and I’ll stay outta yer life fer good.” He paused and closed his eyes; the spinning was starting to get to him. “I think that’s what you want. I think that’s what you’ve wanted since I left you in Sunnydale. I…”

The sound of the message being cut off didn’t even register in his mind.

“Miss you.” He finished softly before hanging up.

Giles took a deep breath and wondered how the room was still spinning even though he had his eyes closed. He didn’t have long to wonder before he quickly turned on his side as he got sick.

The small part of him that was still sober knew the vomit was just one of many things he would regret when he sobered up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_One Year, Six Months_

Giles grinned as his Skype call connected; laughing at the excited expression Dawn greeted him with. He normally talked to one of the Scoobies every other week, but the past few months had made that a little difficult. And judging by the look on the younger Summers’ face, his lack of communication had been noticed. 

“We were starting to think something had happened.” Dawn greeted. “Where are you and where have you been?”

“I was in Tibet visiting Oz for a few months, and now I’m in New Zealand.” He raised an eyebrow at Dawn’s expression. “What?”

“Don’t let Xander or Andrew know that. They’ll hound you down with nerd questions.” They shared a laugh for a brief minute. “How long have you been in New Zealand?”

“A few weeks. I’ve never been and thought now was as good a time as any.” He said as he leaned back in the chair he was sitting in. “I met up with a group of Slayers and have been staying with them, along with helping them better understand what being a Slayer means.”

“You mean what it means from a Watcher’s perspective?” at his nod, she rolled her eyes playfully. “I thought the whole point of your travels was to be normal.”

“And it is, but sometimes I help out here and there. I’m not out doing anything, just…lecturing.” He said with a small smile. “Well, that and spending time with one of the Slayers.”

At the look on Dawn’s face, he regretted that statement instantly. He should have known better than to mention spending any time with a women to his friends.

“Oh? Did your eye get caught by her?” He wanted to deny it but knew the blush on his face gave him away. “What’s her name and have you done anything?”

“Her name’s Arielle. And no.” he said with an eye roll. “We flirt but that’s it. She’s nineteen and it wouldn’t be right.”

“You’re almost eighteen, Giles. There’s nothing wrong with seeing someone you’re age.” Dawn countered.

“Except I’m not really…” he quickly cut himself off at the stern look on her face.

“I hate to burst your bubble, but you are your physical age. I mean, the law says that your physical age is your age, right?” when he didn’t say anything, she continued. “So date her. Or sleep with her, I don’t care just be careful. If you keep going the way you are, then you’re going to be alone and we all just want you to be happy.”

“Not all of you.” He muttered.

“Buffy wants you to be happy, Giles. She’s just…stubborn. And you’re drunken voice mails in the past did not help.” She said with a pointed look.

“Are you using your mum voice on me?”

“Not the point, Giles.” She said with a small smile. “Buffy needs time, and we’re all trying to get her to not be so stubborn.”

He just nodded as he looked down at his lap, tracing a random pattern on his thigh. This was now the longest he had gone without talking to his Slayer and he was slowly losing hope that they would ever be friends again.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Dawn’s voice was soft as she asked the question.

“I do. I think that’s why I kept drunk calling her.” He confessed.

There was a stretch of silence as they both got lost in their own thoughts at his statement. 

“Take that Slayer you’re flirting with out, Giles. Be a normal seventeen year old and fall in love. Okay?”

He looked up and just gave a small smile. He knew he couldn’t promise anything but he knew Dawn was right. Legally and physically he was a seventeen year old again, and he needed to just embrace that fact. Or at least try to. The conversation turned attention on the Scoobies and the two youngest Harris members. And at the look of pride on Dawn’s face as she talked about her children, he knew being resurrected might have been the best thing to happen to him since he had moved to Sunnydale.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Get Hurt_

Giles looked at the nearly empty glass of whiskey in front of him. The wonderful thing about being in New York was that it hadn’t been hard to find someone to make a fake I.D. that would allow him to get into bars. He had been in the city for a few days and was leaving for London in two more, something he was looking forward to immensely. He finished the glass and ordered another.

This was not how he had planned to spend his nineteenth birthday, but he also hadn’t planned on being in New Orleans for a little over a year; and yet there he was, alone in a city as he waited to leave yet again. His time in New Orleans was only supposed to be a short visit, but he had met someone by the name of Chance. And there had been something about Chance that drew Giles to him, and he quickly found himself in a relationship with the other man.

For a year, Giles had found himself falling in love with Chance and had even toyed with the idea of settling down in the city. He even got along great with the group of friends Chance surrounded himself with. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that he finally listened to the red flags.

Maybe it was that he had been through it before, or maybe it was because the similarities were just too noticeable, but he had realized that he was heading down the exact same path he had taken as Ripper. Well, not the exact same since they weren’t raising any demons. But the addiction to magic was very much the same.

So he had pulled his boyfriend aside and explained that part of his past to Chance, telling him that he wasn’t about to make that mistake again. And he had told Chance that he didn’t want to see someone he cared about fall into that addiction again. There had been a fight, followed by some make up sex, but in the end the man he had fallen in love with had chosen magic over him.

The next morning Giles had found the first flight out of New Orleans, and had been in New York ever since. If it wasn’t booze, then he was having one night stands to try and forget his ex. But after two days he realized that would do nothing but feed into how he was feeling, and it was something he had tried before. He thanked the bartender for the drink and looked at his third glass before sighing softly. Maybe once he got to London he would find a healthier way to get over the heartbreak. But right now he would stay at the hotel bar and forget not only Chance, but also Buffy, for a few hours.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Sleeping with a Friend_

Giles laughed softly at something Buffy had said, just enjoying listening to her talk. He had been surprised to see that she was calling him on Skype twenty minutes ago, but he wasn’t going to complain. They had spent the first five minutes talking about the radio silence for nearly three years, and after that they had fallen into an easy back and forth. It was almost as if they hadn’t spent the last few years not talking.

It had been about six months since he had arrived in London. Once he had landed, he had gone to his estate to stay. And while that meant having to share the place with Angel and Faith, he didn’t exactly mind the company. Of course, things were still a bit tense between himself and the vampire but he was trying not to let that make anything awkward. After all, he had told the two that they could stay there as long as they liked. And to be fair, the three of them had gotten along well considering.

And that had been the topic of conversation between him and the Slayer. It was clear that she was worried about him staying with Angel, but he had taken the time to assure her that everything was fine between everyone in his estate. They caught up as old friend tended to do, and he had learned that it had been two years since she last saw Spike outside of something work related. He had also learned that she had gotten a job at a local bookstore and occasionally worked for Kennedy whenever a job in the city was available. And that was how Buffy had been able to afford a four-bedroom home in Pacific Heights, which was a few blocks away from Dawn and Xander.

“What’s that on your neck?” her question brought him to a halt.

He had completely forgotten about the mark on the side of his neck. He felt a small blush rise up from his neck as his hand went to cover the mark.

“So…who is the lucky person you’re seeing?” there was a slight tone of teasing in her voice, and he knew his answer would end the playful air.

“It, um…well…she’s not someone who’s a stranger.” He mumbled.

Silence stretched between them and it felt like an eternity.

“Are you…are you sleeping with Faith?” Buffy asked finally.

“Yes and no.”

Giles was afraid to meet her eye as he answered. He could practically feel the stare as she found out his new relationship with the other slayer. The nineteen year old had never meant for her to find out, especially like this. Once he had settled in San Francisco, Willow had told him exactly what leaving his whole estate to Faith had done to Buffy.

“What does that mean?” he wince slightly at the bite in her voice.

“It means yes, I’m sleeping with her. But it’s more than sex.”

He kept his eyes trained on the floor as he let Buffy digest that news. It was a few moments later that when the sound of the call ending rang out through his room. He looked up and saw that Buffy had hung up on him. Whatever chance their friendship had of getting back on track, he had just ruined it by telling her he was seeing Faith.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_A Twist in my Story_

He sat in the chair across from Angel, the silence weighing on both of them. He had seen death before, but for some reason being twenty-one and losing his girlfriend to a demon made the idea of death that much more unbearable. It had been a few hours since her funeral, and neither him nor Angel knew what to say.

“I’m sorry.” Angel was the first to break the silence.

“For what?”

“For not being able to save her. For the fact that you lost your girlfriend.” The vampire said as if it should have been obvious.

“You lost her too, Angel. She didn’t exactly hide the fact that you too had been lovers.” Giles pointed out, his attention trained on his lap.

“We hadn’t been together since right before you arrived here.”

Giles just shrugged, knowing better than to keep the conversation going. He knew that while Faith was with him, Angel was the one she wanted to be with. And he had never found out exactly why they had stopped being with each other, although looking back now he probably should have. It was clear that Angel and Faith had loved each other, and he couldn’t even imagine the kind of loss the vampire was going through. He glanced up to see Angel staring into the empty fireplace.

“I’ll get out of here by tomorrow night.” Angel said softly.

“No need to. I’m going to go back to San Francisco. As much as I wished otherwise, that’s where home is now for me.” He gave a small smile at the confused look on the other man’s face. “The people I consider family all live there. Home is where the people who care about you are.”

“Makes sense.” Angel said simply. “Plus it’s where Buffy is.”

At the raised eyebrow, Angel just laughed softly.

“The same way you know that me and Faith still had feelings for each other, it’s obvious you feel something for Buffy. Regardless if you’re talking or not, you’ll always go back to her.”

Giles just looked at him, not sure what to say. On the one hand it was true, but on the other he thought it would be considered insensitive considering the woman he had been seeing for a little over two years had just been buried. 

“I’m sorry you and Faith didn’t have more time together.” Was all Giles could say before he left the study.

He wasn’t sure how much longer he could be in the same room with the vampire before he was faced with a truth he had been fighting for the last year.


	3. Ages 21-22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles is back in San Francisco, which means it's time to find out if his friendship with Buffy can be rebuilt.

_Two Ghosts_

He had been back in San Francisco for a little over a month and Giles still hadn’t been able to talk to the Slayer alone. She wasn’t exactly ignoring him, but she was making sure to not be alone with him or to let their conversations be more than small talk. It was infuriating, really. And as he was getting ready for his morning run, he had decided enough was enough. Instead of going back to the Harris household after his route through Pacific Heights, he had ended up on the doorstep of Buffy’s four-bedroom home in the Marina- which really wasn’t that far considering that four blocks downhill separated the sisters.

The twenty-one year old focused on catching his breath before he knocked on the door. He knew Buffy was home, it was Thursday and she always had Thursdays off from the bistro she worked at on Chestnut. He looked up at the building in front of him; it had been an old apartment building that Xander’s construction company had turned into a house.  
According to Dawn, her sister was able to afford it due to the SFPD paying her whenever she helped the Supernatural Task Force, and whenever there was a bodyguard job in the city Kennedy’s company was hiring for. The take away from that conversation had been that the Slayer was doing well for herself, and had only taken up the serving job to give her something to do when she wasn’t babysitting her niece and nephew.

Giles was pulled out of his thoughts when the door opened, revealing a very irritated Buffy. His foot quickly shot forward to keep her from shutting the door in his face.

“We need to talk.” He said.

“Yeah, except we don’t.” she countered.

They stared at each other for a moment before she let go of the door and moved to the side. Giles gave her a small smile and walked in, following her to the kitchen. He stood there awkwardly as she moved about, handing him a glass of water in a matter of minutes. He quietly thanked for before drinking half the glass; in his anxiousness waiting for Buffy to answer the door, he had somehow forgotten just how thirsty his run had made him.

“Why did you do a four room?” the ex-Watcher asked when the silence got to be too much.

“So Joy and Logan have their own rooms when they stay over, plus an actual guest room.”

They fell into small talk, as always since his return to the Bay. But he was taking this as a small step since she wasn’t rushing him out of her home. As they talked, Giles couldn’t help but notice how he wasn’t the only one who had changed in the five years he was away; there was now a sense of happiness and content surrounding the Slayer that hadn’t been there before. As well as a sense of identity outside of being the Slayer, and all he could do was smile softly.

“What?” Buffy’s question caught him off guard, and he felt his cheeks heat up.

“I just…you’ve changed.” He said, his smile becoming brighter. “You have a beautiful home, a job you actually enjoy, a family…you’ve found yourself, and it shows.”

“I never had to find myself, Giles. I’ve known who I was since I was Called.” The teasing eye roll brought back a time when they were best friends.

“I meant outside of being the Slayer, the type of finding I still haven’t accomplished.”

“You’re still young.” She pointed out, and all he could do was blush even more. “Speaking of, it’s a little weird seeing you looking like Mr. GQ.”

And just like that, it felt like old times as they both started laughing. This wasn’t the first time he had been called that; Faith had started calling him ‘GQ’ when had gone back to London. Over the years he had traded his glasses for contacts, started getting his hair cut and styled more appropriately for someone his age, and started dressing like any normal twenty-something would. After Dawn’s stern pep talk while he had been in New Zealand, he had embraced the fact that legally and physically he was no longer the age he felt mentally.

“Well, it would look weirder if I dressed as an old man.” He said as his laughter died down.

From there they fell into an easy conversation; well, an easier conversation than they would have had at any time over the last five years. And even though they were no longer the same as before, there was a hint of promise that the Slayer and ex-Watcher could be best friends as these two new people.

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_Dance With You_

Giles laughed softly as he watched his friends dance with their significant others. They had all gone out for Buffy’s thirty-fifth birthday, starting with at their favorite karaoke bar and ending at a lounge. He finished what was left of his stout and couldn’t help how some things hadn’t changed; he stood off to the side while he watched his friends have fun. Not that he minded, even this time around he wasn’t much of a dancer.

“I got to say, I’m surprised we were able to convince you to do karaoke.” He turned to see Buffy sit down next to him, holding out a glass of whiskey to him.

“Well, it’s your birthday. And who am I to ruin that?” he grinned as he took the glass, gently clinking it against the glass of wine she held. “Why aren’t you out there dancing with some handsome stud?”

“Because I’d rather spend time with my favorite handsome stud.” She grinned as she playfully bumped his shoulder.

“And I think you’re cut off.” He laughed, teasingly reaching for her glass of wine.

“You know I hate it when you talk down about yourself.”

“Who said I’m doing that? I know I’m a handsome stud.” He grinned as he sipped his drink.

They talked and joked as they watched their friends dance, and Giles couldn’t help but think about how far he and Buffy had come since he had come back seven months ago. It was still a work in progress, but there was promise that their friendship would be what it once was, if not better. During their conversation, the Slayer had turned away three men that had asked her to dance. And when she turned down the fourth, the ex-Watcher sighed.

“What was that sigh for?”

“Hmm?” Giles looked up from his empty glass.

“You sighed the sigh that says you’re disappointed.” Buffy explained as she gave him a pointed look.

“I just…I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep me company. I’ll be alright if you go enjoy yourself.”

“I didn’t say no because I feel like I have to babysit you.” She gave him a teasing smile at the eye roll. “I said no because if I’m going to dance with anyone, it’s going to be you.”

Before he could say anything, she took his glass and set it down with hers. She pointedly ignored his confusion as she dragged him to his feet and towards the others.

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_Kiss Me Slowly_

Giles smiled as he handed Buffy her second glass of wine before settling into the outdoor couch. The Slayer had thrown a family BBQ on the rooftop, one of the perks of living in the city she had once told him. But that was hours ago and now it was just the two of them, reminiscing about days long gone.

“I have to ask, why did you really want to have this get together?” he asked after a moment, taking a sip of the cheap beer that Andrew had brought over.

“It’s been two years since you came back home.” She said simply.

He hadn’t expected that to be her answer. Not knowing what to say, he gave her a soft smile and thanked her quietly.

“Can I ask you something?” the Slayer asked after a moment.

“You can ask me anything, Buffy.”

“Why haven’t you dated anyone since you got back?” he opened his mouth to say something, only to close it at the expression on her face. “And don’t say it’s because you don’t have time or go out. I’ve even seen people give you their number when we all go out.”

Giles looked down at the bottle in his hand and swirled the liquid. He considered coming up with a small lie but decided against it. Buffy deserved better; in fact she deserved the truth. It wasn’t fair to keep his feelings from her; especially after how hard they had worked to get back their friendship. He just hoped that their friendship could survive what he was about to do.

“Because it wouldn’t be fair to anyone.” He said softly, keeping his eyes on the bottle. “Because I can’t get into a relationship when I have feelings for someone else.”

“Care to share with the class?”

“It’s you.” He whispered, knowing that Slayer hearing would allow her to know what he had said.

“You have feelings like lusty feelings, or romantic feelings?” he felt Buffy turn closer to him.

“If it was just about sex then I would have gotten over it years ago.” Giles answered, taking a small breath before looking at her.

He braced himself for the slap or however she would lash out. What he wasn’t prepared for was to watch her lean forward before kissing him. He knew he should pull away and actually talk about this with her, but then she deepened the kiss and he knew he was a goner. Things were quickly escalating between them and the window to stop things was getting smaller every section.

“Bedroom. Now.” Buffy breathed.

Just like that, the window was closed.


	4. Ages 23-26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no such thing as an uncomplicated romance, something Giles still hasn't learned the second time around.

_Sex_

It had been months since their first kiss on the rooftop, and Giles had quickly found himself in a casual relationship with Buffy. Normally he wouldn’t have any problem with that type of relationship, but the fact that he had basically spilled his heart to her and she was treating him like a secret was starting to wear on him. Any time he had tried to bring up anything, she managed to distract him and he would put off talking to her.

But laying next to her and staring at the ceiling, the ex-Watcher knew this couldn’t go on. If he wasn’t in love with her than he wouldn’t be left with this empty feeling every time after they shagged; if this was anyone other than Buffy than he’d be more than happy to continue things, but this was Buffy and he was in love with her. No matter how amazing the sex was or how happy he was in these stolen moments, the afterwards outweighed everything.

As he felt the bed shift next to him, he knew his window to say something was closing. The second Buffy was dressed and out of his room, he’d have to build his resolve all over again.

“I can’t keep doing this.” He said softly, his eyes trained on the ceiling above him.

“Doing what?” even though she asked the question, her tone suggested that she knew the direction of this conversation.

“This. You and me shagging, and then you leaving or kicking me out.” Giles answered as he sat up slowly, looking over at her.

“If you wanted basking in the afterglow, all you had to do was say so.” Buffy smiled as she climbed back into the bed.

He closed his eyes as she kissed the side of his neck, her hand slowly trailing down his chest.

“It’s not about that, Buffy. I’m tired of being your bloody secret.” He grabbed her wrist gently and moved her hand away. “If you want a dirty secret then go back to Spike because I’m done.”

It was harsh and uncalled for, but Giles knew if he didn’t tell her exactly how he felt than nothing would change. He looked at her as she pulled away, almost certain that she would accomplish burning a hole through him with her glare.

“Is that what you think I see you as?” the Slayer asked him softly, her words threatening him to think carefully about how he answered.

“What else would you see me as? I’m not a replacement for him, Buffy. I’m not going to be some alternative to a sex toy.” He found himself saying before he could stop himself. “If you want someone to get you off and keep your bed warm for a hours, then go back to Spike.”

He had expected a slap but was surprised when all she did was get out of bed, quickly pulling her clothes back on. Giles stood up and pulled his boxers on in an attempt to feel less vulnerable. Even though she was clearly pissed off at him, he wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t fall back into bed with her if he were still naked.

“You clearly aren’t as smart as you used to be.” She practically hissed at him. “If that is all I wanted, then I would have gone to him. But I’m here with you, Giles.”

“That doesn’t exactly mean anything to me, Buffy. I tell you that I’m in love with you, and all you do is push me into bed when we’re alone. As soon as our friends leave all you ever want to do is fuck.” He pointed out. “You’ve never once told me how you feel about me.”

“I thought it was pretty obvious how I feel.” She snapped.

They stared at each other for a moment before the blonde shook her head. Giles watched as she finished getting dressed before heading towards his bedroom door. In the split second of hesitation she showed, he quietly asked her where she was going.

“You want me to go back to Spike, so I will.” Was all she said before slamming the door behind her.

He flinched slight at the echoing slam. He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. The second time around at being twenty-three and he still managed to make a mess of his love life.

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_Give Me a Sign_

He sighed softly when he felt Willow’s eyes on him. He had been trying to ignore his friend’s stare as everyone enjoyed an afternoon at Fort Mason for his birthday; Xander and Dawn had insisted on a family outing, and had even dragged Andrew for some fun in the sun.

“What’s going on with you and Buffy?” the redhead finally asked.

“There is nothing going on between me and Buffy.” The ex-Watcher said, watching as Xander and Andrew played some game with the young Harris children.

“Really? Because you guys are acting like Buffy and Spike used to after their breakup.” Giles could practically hear the grin in her voice. “And if that’s the case, then we’d be happy for you guys. You two deserve to be happy after everything that’s happened and…”

“There is _nothing_ going on between me and Buffy, Willow.” He repeated firmly.

“Oh.” She said softly, looking down.

He sighed softly, feeling bad for the tone he had used. He hadn’t meant to snap at her like that. After all, he knew there was tension between him and the Slayer, and that everyone else had noticed it. It just wasn’t the kind of tension Willow had thought.

For the last two months, Giles and Buffy had been actively avoiding being alone together. And even when they were in the same room, they didn’t speak to each other unless they had to. It had gotten to the point where the ex-Watcher regretted saying anything to her about the turn their relationship had taken.

“Was there something that was going on?” Willow’s voice pulled him from his thoughts.

“Yes.” He said softly after a moment, his eyes darting over to where Buffy was talking with Dawn.

“What happened?”

“I wanted more than she wanted to give me.” Giles looked away from the Summers sisters, giving Willow a small smile. “I should have just been happy that she wanted to shag me.”

“Giles, I’m sure that isn’t true. Buffy’s been miserable lately and none of us could figure out why.” The Wicca said. “I mean we figured maybe she was back with Spike or that maybe she was thinking about Angel again. But I thought that maybe she thought you didn’t like her because it’s been pretty obvious that she…”

“Willow, please.” He said as he held up his hand. “I don’t need you to try and cheer me up.”

“I’m not trying to cheer you up, Giles. What is it with you and Buffy being so blind when it comes to be happy?” Giles leaned back slightly at the snappy tone.

He opened his mouth to respond, only to snap it shut at the look she sent him.

“Do you both just like being miserable all the time? And I’m not talking about your love lives either.” Willow said as she pushed herself to her feet. “You two are friends…best friends. And yet all you want to do is spend most of your time not talking to each other, or acting like the other doesn’t exist. You both had died, and both of you were given a second chance weather you wanted it or not. So why are you wasting it by pulling this bullshit? All you have to do is tell her what you want, Giles, because she wants the same thing but doesn’t think you want it.”

Giles stared at her, feeling very much like a boy in trouble with his mother. They just looked at each other and he started hoping that she would sit down again; he felt entirely too vulnerable looking up at her from where he sat.

“If she does feel something from me, why didn’t she say something when I told her how I felt?” he found himself asking.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Willow said pointedly before she walked away.

He glanced back over to Buffy as he debated what to do. But when she looked up to catch him staring, her smile dropped and she sent him a glare from the other side of where the others were playing. He shook his head and decided it was best not to say anything.

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_Paper Houses_

Giles looked around as he stood in Buffy’s kitchen, his hands shoved as far as possible into the pockets of his jeans. It had officially been half a year since his last night with the Slayer, and he needed to sort out whatever it was that they had, if they were still even friends at this point. He wouldn’t even be there if it hadn’t been for Dawn practically dragging him by his ear to her sister’s house, demanding that the ex-Watcher and Slayer either “figure things out, or kill each other”, as the younger Summers had said.

“Why do we keep doing this?” her voice broke the silence and drew his attention back to her.

“Do what?”

“Fix our relationship, only to break it again and then not talk to each other.” She clarified.

“I don’t know.” He said honestly, his gaze moving to focus on the floor. “Perhaps it’s because we’ve grown too far apart to really be friends again.”

“You don’t believe that.”

The ex-Watcher swallowed as he looked back up at her. He thought back to all the other times they had been in a similar situation since they first met and a pattern quickly jumped out at him.

“Perhaps not in the past, but I do now.” Giles said softly, almost smiling at the curious look she gave him. “Any time we fought and cut each other out, it was always because someone got between us- the Council, Spike, Faith…but this time there’s no one to blame but ourselves.”

“You mean you, there’s no one to blame but you.” Buffy corrected. “ _You_ said you couldn’t do it anymore, _you_ caused that fight…”

“I told you how I felt, Buffy. I didn’t say any of that to be a prick, I said it because you made me feel like that.” He cut her off, feeling the anger start to make its appearance.

And from the look on the blonde’s face, the anger was making an appearance for her as well.

“Oh, I’m the one who made you compare yourself to a sex toy? Or compare what we had to my relationship with Spike?”

“With how you treated me, yes you did. I could only take being your dirty secret for so long, Buffy.” He pointed out. “I told you how I felt, and your responses wasn’t that you felt the same. No, your response was to fuck me. Any time I told you that I loved you, you never said anything.”

“That doesn’t justify what you said to me!” she yelled, the hurt flashing so fast across her face that Giles almost missed it. “I’m almost forty, Giles. I’m done with the whole secret thing, and I’m definitely done with the whole casual sex thing.”

“Then why did you treat me like that?”

“Because for once I just wanted to enjoy being happy without the universe ruining it.” She admitted.

Of everything he had been prepared to hear, for some reason that never crossed his mind. The surprise must have shown clearly on his face because the Slayer sighed and shook her head.

“Every time I’ve told a guy how I feel, things go to hell. Any time I let everyone in on how happy I am with someone, the Powers that Be find a way to take it from me.” Buffy said softly. “I didn’t want to lose you or what we had, Giles. I didn’t think I had to tell you how I felt for you to know; I thought you would just know. But I guess I was wrong.”

He looked down at a loss for words. He really did want to fix things between them, regardless if a romantic relationship came forth or not. But now he had no idea how to do so. And judging from Buffy’s silence, she was just as lost as he was.

“I’m sorry, Buffy.” He whispered before he made his way out of the kitchen.

The best thing he could do was give them both space as they tried to figure out how to repair the damage they had both dealt over the years. Of course, he wasn’t even sure if any of it could be repaired or if they could start again by building a new friendship.

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_Finding You_

“What are you doing?”

Giles paused and looked over his shoulder to see Buffy walk onto her roof. He watched as her eyes noticed the dirty paper plates in his one hand and a trash bag in the other.

“Nothing.” He said with an innocent smile on his face.

“Giles, it’s your birthday so sit down and let me worry about the cleanup.” She said with a stern expression on her face. “Now.”

The twenty-six year old gave a small huff before putting everything down and walking over to the outdoor couch. He watched as the Slayer did a quick cleanup of what was left over from everyone, not that there was much really. The Scoobies had thrown him a small party on Buffy’s roof patio, but everyone had left and now it was just the ex-Watcher and Slayer. A similar night played in his mind and he couldn’t help but smile.

In the last year and a half, the two had taken great leaps to salvage what was left of their friendship. It hadn’t been easy and there had been times when it seemed like there were more low points than high, but they had come out on the other side and learned from their past. He had been so lost in thought that he didn’t notice Buffy sit next to him until she put a box in his lap.

“What’s this?” he asked as he looked at the wrapped rectangular box.

“Typically on your birthday, you get a gift.” She teased as she lightly shoved his shoulder at his mock glare. “Where did you go by the way?”

“Hm?” he tore his eyes away from the gift to look at her.

“You went somewhere in your head a minute ago.”

“Oh, I was just reflecting on the past.”

They shared a small smile before her impatience got the best of her. Buffy gently pushed his arm towards the box as she told him to open it. He chuckled softly as he unwrapped the gift, his mouth dropping open

“Buffy…I can’t accept this.” He said softly as he looked at the 18 year old bottle of Scotch.

“You can, and you will.” The blonde insisted, her smile coming through in her voice. “Otherwise it’s going to sit in my house waiting for when you come over.”

Giles sighed in defeat and softly thanked her.

“Besides, you always need a good bottle of Scotch for special occasions.” She pointed out.

“That you do.” He chuckled softly before holding up the bottle. “Shall we?”

As an answer, Buffy pointed to the two rocks glasses she had set on the table in front of him. The two shared a laugh as he poured them a glass, handing one to her and smiling.

“Cheers.” They gently tapped their glasses together before taking a sip.

They talked about this and that as they enjoyed the nice evening, and not for the first time since getting back on good footing did Giles feel that all too familiar flip in his stomach. It amazed him how after everything they had been through, what he felt for her had never died.

“Giles?” her voice brought him back, a look of concern on her face.

“Have dinner with me tomorrow.” He said before he could chicken out.

There was a moment of silence as Buffy looked at him with a stunned expression.

“Dinner?”

“Yes, dinner. As in a date.” He swallowed as he watched a debate play out on her face. “We never got a fair chance that night I first told you how I felt. For ten years I have felt something for you, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to go away.”

“Last time we got involved…”

“It’s just dinner, Buffy. It doesn’t have to lead to anything if you don’t want it to.” He said softly. “I just want to give us a fair chance if there is anything still there. For me there is, and according to everyone it’s still there for you. We’ve wasted enough time, don’t you think?”

She just looked at him, and the longer she didn’t say anything the more Giles started to regret saying anything. He hadn’t meant to ruin the evening, but he also couldn’t keep his feelings to himself. The last time he had done that, it had taken him years to say something and when he finally did, it had nearly cost him his friendship with Buffy.

“What if things go wrong?” she finally asked.

“I think we’ve been through enough to not let that ruin our friendship.” The ex-Watcher told her honestly.

Another moment passed and he prepared himself for the rejection.

“What time?”

He looked up to see the smile on Buffy’s face and he couldn’t contain his own grin.


End file.
